Hello diary, I'm in a very good mood today.No idea why though, because I only slept for 4 hours.... But I feel more energetic than usual. Hmm, maybe I should just sleep for around 4 to 5 hours a day.

Am blogging more often, so that I can look back and reminisce in future and laugh at my silly me. (: And also Mr Milk wants to know about my everyday life. (: Not that I mind though. Speaking of which, I wonder why Mr Milk who doesn't drink at all keeps going drinking nowadays.. I really hope to see his smile !!

Received my second bouquet of flowers yesterday; it was such a surprise. Prefer the first bouquet though, second one looks kind of plain. Not that I have any complain; it's the thought that counts. And it is just from a FRIEND.

Am gonna make full use of my weekend; I'm so gonna go shopping ! I need my retail therapy ! (: Just thinking about that brings a smile to my face. Yonghua dear !!!! Saw this ? SHOPPING ? Then maybe can meet Mr Milk for dinner together.

Speaking of which, Macdonald's just arrived.. From the person who gave me flowers.

Okay, am gonna chase after my drama again. Ta-ta !

P.S: It feels so great to wake up so early in the morning ! =p

❤my life !

It's a rainy Monday..... Monday blues.. Nah, not really; everthing's fine, just that I'm feeling lethargic. Don't know why, though i slept so much last night.

Finally ! Mr Milk's waiting for my next blog post.. And here it is, just for you.. Hee.. Hope you're feeling better.

Been chasing and chasing after the neverending drama... Zzzzzzzzz. It has 100 plus episodes and I'm only at 27. OMG.

I wanna go shopping Yonghua darling !!! Need to stock up on my Chanel and Kanebo makeup !!!!!!!!!! Darling tag in my blog when you happen to read la.. Miss this gf of mine so badly. (: Makeup, sunglasses and a new pair of shoes.. My Charles and Keith one which cost 60 bucks is spoilt ! And only after 2 months ! Darned elastic band.

Ookayyyyyy that's all for now. Tata !

Here are some pictures of the very first flower bouquet that I've ever received.. 12 flowers, what doea it mean？Well at least it made my day....... Kinda.

Typical.

This is what life is all about.. Whoever believed in fairytale endings are just plain dumb. Life is just a huge dose of cruelty.. Why bother treating others with sincerity and respect when all you get is just shit in return? Why bother to help someone and then have them not appreciate or evem fucking remember what you'd done when they make it?
I still believe in the phrase ''What goes around comes around.'' But I'm still dumb and naive. Slowly and slowly you'll begin to notice the true colours of every individual human nature.

From now onwards I will not be dumb anymore, just d what I have to and that's it. No need to help more or whatever shit. It'll just make you feel so unappreciated and shows yr stupidity to the whole world in the end. You may not know.. You think that you'd done a good deed but in fact people are just laughing their damn arses off behind your back.

Okay, I'm not gonna continue with this blog post anymore, it just increases the reminders.

Finally got some rest. It's been a hectic week. Having a darned backache now, and neck's hurting too.

Woke up at 9pm today, because I slept at 5pm. Been chasing after the korean drama ''Temptation of wife'' currently, and I am so hooked onto it! Beginning of the drama was boring though. Now it's starting to reach the climax already. But I almost fell asleep in front of my laptop today; too tired and didn't get enough rest these past few days.

Finally got an excuse to take off for today, because if I reach my workplace it'll already be like 11 plus. Anyway, at least I'd gained something last night. Gonna enter property soon, though the choice of company may not be what my previous choice. But it doesn't matter anyway; I'd analysed and there are good prospects. All in all, it all depends on the individual.

A friend of mine sent me back today, and concidentally, was spotted by uncle downstairs. Didn't ask me any questions, well not like he's the type to interfere anyway. But I was kinda dreading Mum's probing if she found out. They'll probably assume that he's my boyfriend, which is so not true. Well, at least he's a decent guy and looks decent which will be a load off their chest even if they were to assume otherwise.

That's all for now, got nothing much to blog about anyway. Won't be working tomorrow too, will be going out with friends and lady gaga! Yay! Am so looking forward to it！ Here's the plan for now- my friend will pick me up at 7.30pm, we'll all meet up at 8pm for claypot rice, then head over to one of my favourite places...... New asia, here I come. I hope it'll be a blast!

Am gonna catch up with my korean drama. Quality time.

Just back from work around an hour ago diary, knocked off later than usual today but I didn't really mind.. Am really exhausted now, but blogging to kill time.. And to make my decision.

When it was close to 9pm last night my mood changed from happy to troubled.. Guess I really dreaded going to work. And I really dragged myself there, feeling quite upset during the whole journey in the cab. How am I supposed to cope with this feeling every night? The feeling of having to drag my feet to work...............

Anyway, I realized that I have a sudden urge to date. And date as in not casual dating kinda stuff, but actual dating. Like, ( as much as I hate to say this ）， commitment and sharing of joys and sorrows. Yucks. I thought I'd been past through that stage. But I guess I'm just a typical girl after all; looking strong on the surface but needs to be doted on and pampered in actual fact. I always would tell my suitors that as long as I work in nightlife I wouldn't date; because I don't want to have that inferiority complex and besides, it'll be unfair to the poor guy. Well, Mr Yang even told me that as much as he misses me, the more I work, the lesser he feels like dating me... Which strongly adds to my self principle of NOT dating. I don't need shit.

But I'm still lucky. Thank God I have my many friends, my wonderful girlfriends and my family. :) And all in all, I'm not just a pretty face, which I'm thankful for. God, I haven't even made my decision but I'm exhausted..

Sweet dreams diary.

P.S: Love my new hair colour and haircut! Got them done last Sunday (:

Good morning diary.. !

Am feeling happy now; it's been ages since I last woke up this early. Slept at around 11pm last night and woke up at 5pm.. :) It's so nice to wake up at this time and feel the cool morning breeze, and knowing that not almost a day is wasted.. Like how it is when I always sleep at 7am and wake up at 7pm. That's meaningless.

So this is it. I have got to find a day job. Much as I hate to drag myself out of bed in the wee hours of dawn and sacrifice my clubbing hours but this feels more like LIFE. Today's a new day, a brand new start. I feel so refreshed.. Though kinda bored because I'm all alone at home! Everyone's gone off to work or school.. So I get the feeling that this ain't gonna be my only blog post of the day.

Anyway, I felt incredibly cranky yesterday.. Even shouted at mum over a trivial matter but I felt immensely guilty afterward.. Thank God she didn't retailate, if not things would have ended in an ugly situation. I'm always constantly reminding myself of how much Mum had sacrificed for us..... And I'm so lucky to have her and my family. Not to mention my friends too, they treat me with sincerity and dote on me.. :) It's nice to know that no matter what I'll definitely have someone there for me. Wow, what a 360 degrees change from yesterday. I was so cranky and temperamental and I'd almost fucked my brains upside down.. I hate my current job and I am gonnna do something about it.

Okay, actually there's more in this supposedly blog post but my internet connection got disconnected so I'm lazy to rewrite it.. Am gonna upload a pic which was taken the day before.. I love that pic. Mum says I've slimmed down and it's true.. TREMENDOUSLY. Anyway, I'm suddenly reminded of how blessed I am... Even the most minor stuff in life can be so blissful. (:

It's all coming back again- I'm on the verge of breaking down. Well, kind of anyway. Pretty stressed out now. And I guess it's an understatement.

Loads of shit happened lately. My mind is in a whirlwheel now; spinning endlessly. I need to consider, or rather, PLAN my future career choice right now. As in no procrastination, no delays. Nightlife is just not for me. And it's been proven. The thing is, after much analysing my first priority is definitely entering the property industry. However, the income will the first 3 months will be horrible... Because it's NIL. I'll only get my first cheque during the 4th month of work. Not to mention the advertising fees etc etc.............. And the exam fee which comes with the company registration fee which will add up to a total of 500 bucks.

I'm really pretty stressing myself out now. Mum told me last night that she really wants to quit her job; she's working in the HR line.. She told me that she's really exhausted and that she seems to be having problems with her eyesight already because she has to look at endless paperwork all the time.. Not to mention the darned unpaid OT. And to think that she told me that day '' Do not work anymore, I'll rather give you pocket money than see you having irregular nocturnal hours and panda eyes. '' I did tell her to quit, that I'll give her more money every week. Yet she didn't mention anything; I think it's because she knows that I am exhausted. That no matter how I really dread working I'll still drag myself there sometimes. I FEEL SO HELPLESS. Now I's rather it's me suffering than her, or any of my family members. Seriously.

I'd just cried diary, I really did. After so long. I felt so much better. But I didn't let everything out. How I hate to cry. And in front of others too.

Lately I'm just not myself. People who are close to me did notice. They commented that they noticed that I have mood swings. But they don't understand. I am cheerful by nature, but it doesn't mean that I don't have my unhappy or quiet days. Just because I don't smile doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood. I'm human. I am always cheerful, especially around people. But I tend to bottle up all my troubles, and I don't really like to blurt them out to others. Unless.............

Had a really close shave that day. I'm so darn lucky.

SHIT ! THAT STALKER IS DOWNSTAIRS AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG.

It's 4.08 am in the morning.. And I still can't get to sleep. Screwed up timetable gone haywire. Anyway, at least I have MR NAILONG to accompany me on skype.. Hee :) Sweet guy who is crazy. Don't you need to sleep Mr Milkdragon? Don't blame me if you feel exhausted tomorrow; I won't take responsibility hee (:

Am in quite a pretty good mood now, considering the fact that I've kinda breezed through today aimlessly. Well ,at least I'd got my hair dyed. Thought of going out just now but I'd changed my mind in the end- I need my rest. Kinda sick of going out 6 days a week... Or rather, night.

Friends say I'm nor being myself, that I'm acting kinda strange. Well, it's the other way round in fact. I'M JUST BEING MYSELF. I'm a talkative one, you all know that. But I have my quiet moments too........... Especially since now that nightlife is taking its toll on me... It's true, what they all say. Nightlife makes one age thrice as faster. Am only 21, but I feel so old. No matter how much I sleep, it just ain't enough. I can sleep for 14 hours, 20 hours, but at the end of the day........ It'll always be insufficient. So I'm trying to sleep for around 8-10 hours a day. Am hyperactive by nature; all my friends know this. But I've just been in this nightlife scene for 4 months, since last year Decemer; yet everything's changed. Now, I need the help of caffeine and royal jelly vitamins but yet it doesn't seem enough. My energy level is decreasing by day.. I'm glad I'd promised Yonghua that I'll help her with property.

Actually, the main issue is that I kinda look down on myself for being in nightlife. True, I earn decent money by my own means; I depend on myself when Mum and Dad told me not to work and that they'll support me. But no, I'm a grown up- i don't want to rely on them even though I can easily get so much financial support from them- especially my rich Dad. But so what? I wanna stand on my own feet, to depend on myself, make full use of my life and I ain't disabled. I can't rely on them for my whole life and I take it in pride that I give Mum money every week- which can total up to 1k in a month and yet I still have savings. No matter how much Mum rejects my advances to give her household allowances, I'll still persist. Seeing Mum work so hard pains my heart too. I told her to get a part time maid, I'll pay, though my burdens will be so huge. But I'd given her so many headaches in the past, it's time I repay her. Mum's love for me......... IS ALWAYS THE GREATEST. AND I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH A NICE FAMILY.. AND THAT i'M ME. AND SO MANY FRIENDS WHO REALLY CARE.. RIGHT MR NAILONG ? But the main and most important issue is that, i'd lost my direction in life. I'm not a stupid girl, I am smart and I know it. My grades used to be so good. I've always excelled in class. The top class still. Yet......... I know that if I put my mind to it, I can always achieve so much more. And yes. My priorities now will be finding a day job that I can really excel in- I'm thinking property plus events management. AND. MY BASIC THEORY.

Okay, it's been a pretty long post. My Mr Nailong is waiting to read this ... So, Sayonara ! :)

I'm bored outta my mind.. And I'm kinda enjoying this feeling of slacking.. It's a Sunday, which means it's my off day. Hated to stay at home due to the tension at home these few days- between me and mum. So I didn't come back last night; came back this afternoon in fact.

Went to get my hair dyed just now; wanted va-va-vroom kinda blonde but it turned out barbie doll brown. Well, why does the colour always turn out differently? Anyway, I guess it still looks okay so I'm not making a fuss. After all, I know I'm one lucky babe no matter what. Had pizza and baked rice for dinner, then watched dramas til now... Sweet of sis to accompany me while I got my hair coloured plus did treatment; which took an estimated 1 and a half hour in total, though I bribed her with 10 bucks haha. Bought a new sweet pink hello kitty ''blanket'' for myself, and went grocery shopping too. Buying things, especially for me and my family, always makes me happy.

I have a new idea spinning in my mind- I wanna go to the casino ! Hee... Though I don't gamble, I wanna go take a look, though 100 bucks for the entrance fee is kinda ridiculous just for a ''look''. I can go in for free easily though, I have offers for modelling assignments held there, which I'd haven't gotten back to for all the offers.

Have not met Mr Yang this week, though now I know why. He's having weekend classes at 9am-4pm during this weekend........ Don't you just love a hardworking humble and successful guy？ Hee, it's funny though; things between us aren't official.. YET. I guess I can't really be bothered, I'm happy with the way things are currently. I still love my singlehood. Hee........ Okay, time for some plans now.. But I'll so love to slack at home for today............

Someone's stalking me now omg..... And it's really scary. Got a msg out of the blue asking me to go downstairs.. I'm ignoring it and hiding in my room now.. Super scary. This is why I don't like to let others know where I'm staying at....

Came home late last night, or shall I say incredibly early -in the morning; but st least I still came home right? Only to have Mum pick a fight with me over the craziest teeniest matter.. Over me bathing when she supposedly told me not to because Shawn needed to bathe and go to work. She can shout at me for like 15 minutes at 6am over this stupid matter......... Crazy unreasonable person. Just because I told her that I didn't hear her and she insisted that I did. Really ridiculous! Just thinking about this sets me fuming. If you think you know everything, and that I did hear you but I'd just pretended not to, then why the fuck ask me?? Continue with this shit of yours and I'm gonna move out again, no doubt about it. Am not even gonna reconsider my decision. Just thinking about this spoils my mood.

It's a Saturday; and a boring one too. Think it's been some time since I last had such a quiet Saturday................. I miss Mr Yang.. Got a msg from him yesterday, and in it he mentioned that he was thinking of me.. Awwwwww, so sweet of him. Someone's changed too, it's like he's trying to distance himself from me after realizing that things will not work out between us; I only think of him as a friend, and it'll never change. Still, I kinda miss the attention and concern. It feels a bit weird now.. My horoscope says that today's gonna be a good day for me. Oh yeah? It says that if I'm single, there'll be many bees surrounding me and I'll be the centre of attraction and if I'm attached, expect to take my relationship to a whole new level. Hmmmmm....................... Or maybe I'm just too bored? Anyway, I gotta go dye my hair tomorrow, NO PROCRASTINATING ALREADY !! AND BOOK MY BASIC THEORY !!!!!!!!!

I'm sticking to my promise to blog more often.. Well, there's nothing much to update anyway; life is in it's monotone form again.. At least, for now. Just taking a well-needed short break. Last time I'd blogged was on Sunday, then had a slight fever on monday so it was like four whole days of off days, something I haven't had in a long time..

Am missing him again. Somehow, he makes me look forward to the weekends because it's practically impossible for us to spend any time during weekdays. Truth to be told, I don't even know where we stand but it's a comfort knowing that somehow he feels the same way too and he isn't too sure of himself nor too secure.. Yonghua and I had analysed the situation and I really think Yonghua is becoming a pro at analysing relationships haha.. Anyway, she said that he does enjoy my company and all, but just hates my job. And yes, she is right. He's been nagging at me to switch to a day time job where I can make FULL use of my potential ( mind you, not just ANY day time job ) ....... Anyway, I'm counting it as a blessing, having someone to steer me in the right direction although I'm not sure how long it can last, knowing myself well.

Speaking of which, I'd a very awkward situation last night. Met a friend of Glenn at work. His name is Ben. I was sms-ing with Glenn and Aloysius beforehand too. Aloysius sms-ed me out of worry; I didn't know that I mattered so much to Glenn...... Anyway, Ben knew that I knew Glenn, but he didn't know who I am to Glenn and I didn't mention too. And seeing the emotional state in which Glenn was in, I didn't mention anything to Glenn too except that I knew that one of his friend was here.

Don't know what the heck am I blogging anyway, but I'm feeling pretty bored now... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........................................................

I am stuck. Zzzzzzzz ......... But i need a cold bath now like, badly. Feeling so lethargic now ............. Well my eyes are practically half-closed as I'm typing. I NEED A COLD BATH BADLY, I feel so hot !

Another issue of mine - I feel so freaking fat. Like, seriously chubby. God, how much weight I'd gained since last year ... And all the freaking fats are appearing on my (double) chin and cheeks !!! But I've got to admit that I love my figure better now. Hee :) Was too skinny last year, am too chubby currently, if only i could have half of each and combine them together .... PERFECT !

Watching some cock show on channel 8 now and WAITING ....................... Today's novelty has already begun to wear off .. if there was any of it. It's getting boring with a capital B. As for last night, I broke off my promise to ........... I can't say that it's unintentional, but still, I'm really sorry. How I wish ....... But I shadn't expect too much because, because, I simply don't know what to expect at all. And I hate not having a part in being in charge; in control. I hate not knowing what to expect, which mostly just leads to utter disappointment. NEUTRAL, AREN'T YOU ? God, I'm like, getting crazier over ............

Okay, gotta sms an apology later; I'd plained forgotten about it !
Two people from two different kind of worlds, coming together as one.
- Unexpected, Unpredictable.

Now in a mixed state of feelings .. But am loads better than previously. At least I'm at peace now .. Just now was well, a little fucked up.

I hate not being in control; not knowing what to expect. Yes I admit I love surprises, but there is one kind that I dislike - the unpredictable one.. You never know when he's gonna reply your messages or return your calls when all you wanted to ask was whether he's home safely from the long drive. The kind who is so sweet to you on your date and diverts all his attention to you, you and only you but who emorphs into such a BUSYYYYYYY man afterwhat. The kind whom you don't have a clue about what he is doing, the kind whom you know you'll better keep a distance from but you soften up eventually......... THE KIND WHOM I HATE NEVERTHELESSLY.

How I love challenges. Life will be boring without them. Through challenges, you actually gain more .. Well, in my point of view anyway. You actually understand more of each other beneath that exterior, which can really carry an intense whole new meaning. He may seem tough on the outside, but really he might just be a gentle macho man who treats you like the world's most fragile flower... Hee, I think I'd watched too many episodes of the korean drama already, plus lack of sleep accumulated together is making my imagination run wild. What happened to the realistic me ? I'll have to wake up ............... AND I WILL. But somehow, a little part of me still believes in fairytales. He might not be Prince Charming, but he definitely has to dote on me like I am his princess........... WITHOUT FAIL. Definitely the feelings can't be just one-sided, I have to like him too. He must be filial, hardworking, responsible, faithful , honest.................... the list goes on but those are the main points. Well if I ever find a guy like that I'll never let him go.

Oh well, maybe not now. I'm not really looking forward to settling down, and commitment bores and scares me. To me it's just a load of bull whereby sacrifices are made and never recriprotated. The most important factor is to be independent...........ALWAYS.
Love ? Hah. Still a long way to go. I'm not even halfway in my life's journey.

For some reason or another, I'm feeling sullen now. I need a punching bag, one like the tiger one that you had to blow up that Dad got me at Esso petrol station for redemption of points. It's me who determine my fate, and life can never get boring if I don't allow it to. After all , aren't I a major drama magnet ?

I FEEL LIKE KICKING SOME ARSE NOW. SERIOUSLY. AM BACK TO FEELING FRUSTRATED...... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!

Fuck him.

Hello MR NAI LONG !!!!!! I MISS YOU (:

เกาหลี ตอน。。。เกาหลี ตอน。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。เกาหลี ตอน。
Because I am stupid.
Nah, I'm not. After so many lessons learnt the hard way, how can I still be ?
Anyway, Happy Easters Day ! Been quite some time since I last blogged.. And I'm gonna try to blog more often so that when I'm 50 years old I can show this to my grandchildren hee hee..

Just woke up not long ago but still feeling lethargic......... I need my caffeine fix. But I'd ran out of coffee.. I guess nightlife is taking is toll on me, I swear I'm similar to a walking zombie now !

Mum, Uncle and sis are at farmmart now... Eating seafood, where I went last week with a damn boring person.......................................... I'm not even going there.

Stupid Easter day. I'm so bored. I miss Mr ................ Hee ...................... But too bad he is busy so I'll find my own programmes, I have no lack of it.

MY WORLD ISN'T GONNA REVOLVE AROUND JUST ONE PERSON ANYMORE.
Sorry, it doesn't work that way for me. How I hate commitments... But who knows, it might be different this time ............ He's special. :)

But I'm not gonna do much, just take things slow, one step at a time.. God knows if we're even meant to be. Putting two people from different worlds into the same boat. But there's a saying from the drama I've been chasing for now - the famous BOYS OVER FLOWERS.
''If two people look at the world from the same point of view, then they are not in two different worlds, but one same one. And there's no such thing as Nico's world, or **************'s world. '' Heh.

Oh well, gtg. Fretting over should I do later? Hee..... No lack of choices, no worries. (:

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